"I only have to deal with her until I turn eighteen. Then I can move out!"
Eighteen. Legal adulthood. You can finally do whatever you want, say whatever you want, wear whatever you want and nobody can ground you or take away your phone or give you an earlier curfew because you're an adult and you live on your own! Sounds like heaven, right?
Well, I've just turned eighteen and guess what?!
I'm staying home.
I'm not moving out.
I'm not going to college or getting a job outside the house either, but that's another whole can of horse feathers to open another time.
Why? Well, besides the fact that the aforementioned reasons to move out are incredibly selfish, I've made a list of ten reasons I'm choosing not to move out. Some are merely practical, but most, I believe, are Biblical.
Therefore, I am addressing Christians. If you're not saved, it doesn't matter if you move out or act a rebel. Nothing you do really matters at all. You're still headed toward eternal punishment.
I'm not going to college or getting a job outside the house either, but that's another whole can of horse feathers to open another time.
Why? Well, besides the fact that the aforementioned reasons to move out are incredibly selfish, I've made a list of ten reasons I'm choosing not to move out. Some are merely practical, but most, I believe, are Biblical.
Therefore, I am addressing Christians. If you're not saved, it doesn't matter if you move out or act a rebel. Nothing you do really matters at all. You're still headed toward eternal punishment.
With that important thought in mind, onward!
1. While living under my parent’s roof, I don’t have to pay for my own roof.
1. While living under my parent’s roof, I don’t have to pay for my own roof.
2. The same goes for gas, and food, and insurance, and clothing, and water, and electricity…
3. I would have to begin life on my own with the purchase of a car. ‘Nough said.
4. When I’m sick, I have no desire to get up or do anything for myself. When I’m REALLY sick, I can’t get up or do anything for myself. While I live at home, I still have my four sisters and my mama to take care of me.
5. There is no Biblical model for a young woman to leave her family because she’s a certain age. She stays under her father’s authority until she gets married, when she goes under her husband’s authority. At no point is there a call for a young woman to be under her own authority. Even as a widow, she’s then placed under her husband’s brother, or back under her father, or even under the church.
6. I don’t feel ready to face “life” on my own, and I don’t think I’m intended to.
7. At this new stage in my life, with so many choices and opportunities facing me it would be foolish to distance myself from my parent’s counsel.
8. I actually like my family. As in, I enjoy being around them. Now, there are times when I just want to get out of the house for a few hours, or some solitude to be alone with my thoughts or my book (Boys are so noisy!), but I so like being around them. Late-night giggles with Hannah and Sarah, juvenile jokes to make Judah guffaw, explaining how the world works to Emily, styling Gideon’s cool Mohawk, compliment wars with Isaiah, wrestling with Levi, braiding Katy’s hair and helping Malachi learn how to eat like a human being are all things I would miss greatly if I were to move out.
9. My family likes me. I leave the house for a few minutes and Isaiah runs at me as soon as I step in the door, tackles my legs and yells, “TRINITY!”
When I’m in my room (usually seeking the previously mentioned solitude) it seems like someone knocks on my door every thirty seconds or so with something to tell me or give me or ask me. A lot of the breaks and errands my mom is able to run are because I’m there to watch the house/kids, and a lot of the errands she would have to run while bringing all of us along I can now run for her.
Besides that, my parents have told me: “You can live with us for as long as you want. Even if you want to stay until we’re elderly.”
When I see parents that say, “Oh, I can’t wait ‘til they turn eighteen so I can get them out of the house!” it makes me so sad. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have your own parents basically tell you: “We don’t want you. Get out. Good luck.” (And then they wonder why the kids don’t keep in touch or come visit.
10. I believe it is honoring to my parents to continue living here because I know that’s what they prefer. Honoring your parents is called for in Exodus 20:12, and obeying your parents is called for in Ephesians 6:1 and Colossians 3:20.
I’ve had people tell me “Oh, it was just better for her to move out, you know? There comes a time when you and your mom just need your own houses.” or give other excuses why it was better for them to do ________.
Almost every answer is complete and absolute hogwash.
If you’re having relationship issues with your parents, get the splinter out of your own eye before you go for a plank in someone else’s. If there are issues, I almost guarantee you are being disrespectful in some way. If you think you’re being treated unfairly, then you are focusing on self, which, as Christians, is the wrong thing to be focusing on.
If God’s commands to honor and obey your parents isn’t enough, think about who carried you in their body for nine months and went through labor to bring you into this world. Who got up every two hours for weeks to feed you? Who paid for your life expenses up until now? You quite literally owe your life to your parents.
Now, I don’t have a "perfect" relationship with my parents. I’m not always as respectful as I should be. There are some times when I think they’re wrong.
But I’ve found that 99.99999% of the time, they were right. They could see or perceive something I couldn’t, and I foolishly thought that my little window of experience was large enough to overrule theirs. And the 00.00001% of the time when I'm right, it's about something that doesn't matter anyway. So I can't see the benefit of removing myself from a position where I have access to their wisdom almost constantly, and I think the same applies to most other families.
Why be stupid and suffer the consequences when your parents did it already and can tell you how to avoid it?
I may be surpassing my ten reasons here.
I'll finish up.
My synoptic answer to the question "Why aren't you moving out?" would be this:
There isn't anything out in the world that I need to know right now that I can't learn while still living at home, where my "soil" is much more fertile than anything I would find on my own, and I'm safe and protected with people I love.
3. I would have to begin life on my own with the purchase of a car. ‘Nough said.
4. When I’m sick, I have no desire to get up or do anything for myself. When I’m REALLY sick, I can’t get up or do anything for myself. While I live at home, I still have my four sisters and my mama to take care of me.
5. There is no Biblical model for a young woman to leave her family because she’s a certain age. She stays under her father’s authority until she gets married, when she goes under her husband’s authority. At no point is there a call for a young woman to be under her own authority. Even as a widow, she’s then placed under her husband’s brother, or back under her father, or even under the church.
6. I don’t feel ready to face “life” on my own, and I don’t think I’m intended to.
7. At this new stage in my life, with so many choices and opportunities facing me it would be foolish to distance myself from my parent’s counsel.
8. I actually like my family. As in, I enjoy being around them. Now, there are times when I just want to get out of the house for a few hours, or some solitude to be alone with my thoughts or my book (Boys are so noisy!), but I so like being around them. Late-night giggles with Hannah and Sarah, juvenile jokes to make Judah guffaw, explaining how the world works to Emily, styling Gideon’s cool Mohawk, compliment wars with Isaiah, wrestling with Levi, braiding Katy’s hair and helping Malachi learn how to eat like a human being are all things I would miss greatly if I were to move out.
9. My family likes me. I leave the house for a few minutes and Isaiah runs at me as soon as I step in the door, tackles my legs and yells, “TRINITY!”
When I’m in my room (usually seeking the previously mentioned solitude) it seems like someone knocks on my door every thirty seconds or so with something to tell me or give me or ask me. A lot of the breaks and errands my mom is able to run are because I’m there to watch the house/kids, and a lot of the errands she would have to run while bringing all of us along I can now run for her.
Besides that, my parents have told me: “You can live with us for as long as you want. Even if you want to stay until we’re elderly.”
When I see parents that say, “Oh, I can’t wait ‘til they turn eighteen so I can get them out of the house!” it makes me so sad. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have your own parents basically tell you: “We don’t want you. Get out. Good luck.” (And then they wonder why the kids don’t keep in touch or come visit.
10. I believe it is honoring to my parents to continue living here because I know that’s what they prefer. Honoring your parents is called for in Exodus 20:12, and obeying your parents is called for in Ephesians 6:1 and Colossians 3:20.
I’ve had people tell me “Oh, it was just better for her to move out, you know? There comes a time when you and your mom just need your own houses.” or give other excuses why it was better for them to do ________.
Almost every answer is complete and absolute hogwash.
If you’re having relationship issues with your parents, get the splinter out of your own eye before you go for a plank in someone else’s. If there are issues, I almost guarantee you are being disrespectful in some way. If you think you’re being treated unfairly, then you are focusing on self, which, as Christians, is the wrong thing to be focusing on.
If God’s commands to honor and obey your parents isn’t enough, think about who carried you in their body for nine months and went through labor to bring you into this world. Who got up every two hours for weeks to feed you? Who paid for your life expenses up until now? You quite literally owe your life to your parents.
Now, I don’t have a "perfect" relationship with my parents. I’m not always as respectful as I should be. There are some times when I think they’re wrong.
But I’ve found that 99.99999% of the time, they were right. They could see or perceive something I couldn’t, and I foolishly thought that my little window of experience was large enough to overrule theirs. And the 00.00001% of the time when I'm right, it's about something that doesn't matter anyway. So I can't see the benefit of removing myself from a position where I have access to their wisdom almost constantly, and I think the same applies to most other families.
Why be stupid and suffer the consequences when your parents did it already and can tell you how to avoid it?
I may be surpassing my ten reasons here.
I'll finish up.
My synoptic answer to the question "Why aren't you moving out?" would be this:
There isn't anything out in the world that I need to know right now that I can't learn while still living at home, where my "soil" is much more fertile than anything I would find on my own, and I'm safe and protected with people I love.
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Thank you so much for reading! My guess is by now I've either made you very happy, very angry, or very uncomfortable. Feel free to let me know which in the comments. I do ask that no profanity be used. You can be mad, but let's keep it classy.